


Visiting Hours are Nine to Forever

by Tahlruil



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Attempt at Humor, Car Accidents, Clint is a Walking Disaster, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Lonely Tony Stark, M/M, Meet-Ugly, POV Clint, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2018-12-23 02:43:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11980392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tahlruil/pseuds/Tahlruil
Summary: Look, Clint didn'tmeanto hit the guy, it just sort of happened. He was distracted, and the guy was distracted, and then things were a little bit out of his control. And even if it wasn't completely his fault, he still feels pretty bad about it. He had to go see the guy, didn't he? It was only polite, so yeah. He'd do that.And look, he doesn't mean to start fake dating his accident victim either, but sometimes life is weird that way. You just gotta go with the flow when it happens, and learn to be the best fake boyfriend ever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. So I was working on Tumblr prompts and even got one up, but the next one I was gonna work on was a post-breakup Clint/Tony kiss, and I wanted to write them IN a relationship before I attempted that, and I'd been fiddling with this piece forever anyway, so I figured I'd tinker with it a bit, then write the (separate and unrelated) sad-fic.
> 
> BUT THEN. The stage manager and member of the tech crew invited me into the basement to play with power tools between phone calls, so I did that. Then I fiddled with this some more and realized it had gotten very long, so I didn't even finish it.
> 
> This'll probably be the last thing I post tonight as a result, and I feel bad because I asked for tumblr prompts and got some, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.
> 
> Sorry for the babbling. XD 
> 
> Comments maybe? <3

"Uhm. Hi." The woman sitting at the desk didn't look all that impressed by him, and Clint guessed he didn't blame her. He knew he was a hot mess, but he hadn't had _time_ to go home and get changed. First there'd been the accident, and then he'd had to go to work anyway, which was so not fair - he'd wanted to come right to the hospital, then go home to recover from his own emotional trauma, but his boss was an utter dickweed. So he wasn't very fashionable with his sweat-and-coffee stained polyester uniform, and yeah he was a little banged up from both the accident and his extracurricular activities so he had like six different superhero band aids on, but still. She didn't have to do that _thing_ where she was obviously judging him. "I'm, uh... I'm here to see someone."

"I need the name." From her age, her bored monotone and the way she sighed unhappily as she rolled her chair closer to the computer, Clint thought that maybe she was an intern or something, not an actual hospital employee. He got the sense that it wasn't going well.

"I actually... don't know? I mean. I kind of... uh." Okay. This was awkward, and she was gonna be judging him a million times harder in a minute. "Look, I kinda hit a guy with my car earlier today - a little!" He practically yelled the last bit when she whipped her head around to face him, eyebrows practically in her hair. "I didn't... he was on his phone, and I was, you know, drinking some coffee-" Which was why with the coffee stain, but he didn't think she cared. "And he went to cross the street and then... then it was bad. I uh. I know he was taken here, but I didn't... the cop couldn't really give me a lot of information, you know? And he was too unconscious to give me his name and stuff so. Uh. Is there any way you could, you know... help me... find him?"

She was staring. Clint hated when people stared. No he didn't. Well, a little. Depended on the 'why' of it, he guessed. "You _hit a guy_ and you came to see him and you didn't even bring a _balloon_ or something?" Okay, she had a point, and she must have read his stunned realization in his eyes because she both sighed and rolled her eyes. "Oh my god. Men. Do you know I had _six_ guys come in to see their girlfriends and wives - two of them were having babies! - empty-handed? Jeez. Make an effort. We have a gift shop down that way," she pointed with a pencil, and Clint's eyes followed as he gulped. Gift shops were expensive, and he was going to have to do some work on his car, but he had _hit a guy_ , so... "I'll find him, okay? When you come back with something to give him, I'll give you the room number or whatever if he's taking visitors."

That was the best he was going to get, he could tell that much. "Right. Okay. I'll uh... be right back?"

"Yes, you will."

With that she started to ignore him, and Clint wondered how much money the hospital's gift shop had made that day because of her extortionist tendencies. Whatever. Nat would let him borrow a couple bucks if he needed it to see him through to his next paycheck. So off he went, to look for something that would satisfy the bored receptionist without completely breaking the bank. It was harder than he'd thought, because everything in the place was stupid expensive... except there were some things. Some things that were on sale. He could afford those things... and who didn't like stuffed animals?

The bored receptionist raised a brow at his choice but still gave him the room number and directions to it. She even told him the guy's name was 'Tony' and that he was okay - awake now and everything, so that was good. Really good. He didn't think the addition of 'jail time on account of involuntary manslaughter' on his resume would do him any good. Not that his resume was more important than a guy's life or anything, it was just that he'd be dead and Clint would still need a job after he served time, so... it was good that Tony was awake and mostly okay.

Broken legs weren't fun, he knew that, but at least he hadn't broken both arms. Probably he'd know that legs were better to break than arms. Maybe. Broken limbs were broken limbs, but there had to be a hierarchy. Didn't there?

Silver linings were such bullshit.

He had to share the elevator up to the fourth floor with a chatty woman who was there to visit her best friend, Kathy. Kathy was, according to Carol who was a lawyer - or she was going to be, if she ever managed to pass the New York State bar exam, tee-hee! - anyway, Kathy was just the sweetest thing. Just an absolute darling, and Carol didn't know why she hadn't just gotten the flue shot. Carol _always_ got the flu shot, and she never got the flu, so Kathy - poor, lovely Kathy with her _adorable_ job working at an animal shelter - should have listened to her, because the flu shot was just the best route to go. Had he gotten the flu shot? He hadn't? Well, he was probably going to end up just like Kathy, in the hospital all dehydrated and looking awful, so he should see if he should still get one.

Clint got off the damned elevator as soon as he could, almost pushing the doors to open faster. He had to get away from Carol before he had to add _voluntary_ manslaughter to his resume. Kathy'd probably thank him for it, but he really did need to be able to work for a living. Kathy was going to have to fend for herself.

Once he got to room 427 - a private room, God he hoped his insurance wasn't paying for that too - Clint came to a stop, gulping. He could totally do this. He could totally just go in there, shove this dumb stuffed bunny at this 'Tony' guy, apologize, then get the hell out of there. He wanted to do this, wanted to make sure Tony was okay so he'd stop feeling so guilty. It wasn't completely his fault - even the officer had acknowledged that. It was just that he was the one driving the two-ton hunk of rusted metal, so he felt pretty bad for ramming the guy. Clint just needed to see that he was okay. He just... as soon as he saw that Tony was alright, he'd get out of there and everything'd be okay, and he could go back to his life.

Yup. Okay.

He took a deep breath, then knocked on the doorjamb of the open door and peeked in. "Hello? Anybody in here by the name of Tony?" Clint only just held back a wince when he caught sight of the guy - both legs were in traction, one hanging slightly lower than the other, and he had row of stitches marching over his left eye. He looked miserable, staring straight up at the ceiling with his jaw set and his hands gripping his sheets in tight fists. The guilt that he'd visited to get rid of only magnified as he took Tony in, and Clint found himself making plans to stop in again. Maybe he could smother in some food or a puppy or something. Wouldn't that help? It would probably help.

"Um? Are you... uh... Tony?" Because the guy still hadn't answered, hadn't even looked over at him. He didn't respond to Clint's second attempt either, and either didn't hear or didn't care that he was coming into the room. He kept going until he reached the bed, where he hovered uncertainly, wishing he was better at this. Nat was great when she came to see him in the hospital, but he felt like he was all thumbs. He didn't even know the guy... "Hello?"

"Who are you?" Tony didn't look over at him when he spoke, but at least the question didn't come out all angry or aggressive. He just sounded sort of... drained. Sad maybe. Clint didn't do well with sad. Crap.

"I'm. Uh. So remember when you got hit with a car this morning?" Tony finally looked over at him; Clint thought his eyes would be beautiful under normal circumstances. As it was, the guy's expression was so flat that he just felt uncomfortable. "Funny story. Well not funny. A little funny? No," he hurriedly continued when Tony's face went even harder. "Not funny at all. Um. I'm Clint, by the way, Clint Barton, and you're, uh. Tony I guess. But you know that. Okay. So, uh? Sorry? For hitting you? I didn't mean to hit you. I... uh. It was an accident and I felt really bad so just wanted to come say hi and then the receptionist-" Part of him said it was _probably_ not a good idea to say that the receptionist had forced him to buy a present, so he stopped and took a gulp of air, looking up at the ceiling instead of at Tony's face. "She said you were awake and so I thought I'd come and say hi, and sorry, and uh... give you this."

He shoved the stuffed bunny at Tony, still not looking down at him - he didn't want to see the guy's reaction. He was so fucking dumb; he should have just spent a few extra bucks and gotten something that wasn't... that wasn't this.

"... this rabbit is pink, and it's holding a heart."

"Sure is."

"The heart says 'I'll Love You Better'."

"Yup."

"... do I have amnesia? Did they not tell me I have amnesia?"

"Uh... what? How the hell would I know? I just got here man. I know your legs are broken and you're all bruised and cut up. That's the info I have."

"So we're not dating. I didn't forget we're dating?" Clint finally looked down at Tony, who was frowning at the offered rabbit, looking more thoughtful than angry.

"I mean. Probably not? Unless I did too. I feel like that'd be a big coincidence, so I think we're probably not dating."

"So why with the romantic bunny?"

"I'm both broke and cheap, and it was on sale?" Tony didn't answer, just nodded without taking the present either. Clint felt heat rise in his cheeks and a scowl twist his lips - he _hated_ feeling like an idiot. "Sorry. I just thought-" But as he started to pull the rabbit back, Tony lunged forward (as much as he could) and snatched it out of his hands.

"Excuse you, this is mine now."

"You don't have to accept it," Clint argued, reaching out to try and take it back - it was sort of frustrating that Tony was laid up the way he was and still was managing to win the game of keep-away. "It was stupid, I shouldn't have-"

"No. I love him. He's mine and I'm naming him Boppy." Clint, who was leaning over Tony and reaching for the stupid gift that he'd only gotten because it was on sale, froze. He blinked as he looked down at Tony, noting absently that under the bruises and irritation, he was a pretty good looking guy.

"Boppy the Bunny?"

"Yes."

"No."

"He's my bunny."

"I bought him - I get veto rights on the name."

"Uh, no?"

"Uh, yes? You're not naming him Boppy. You don't even have to keep him. I'll get you something else, okay?" he pleaded, making another grab for the stupid bunny that he was going to have nightmares about. If Nat found out about this, she'd never let him live it down. "Just... just give it."

"No. His name is Boppy and I love him. You can't have him back." Jeez, the guy was _smiling_ , and his eyes really were pretty, so Clint should probably just let him keep the damned thing. At the same time, he was pretty sure the 'fight' over the bunny was what was making him smile, so stopping might be a bad idea.

"Tony," Clint tried, putting one knee on the bed and reaching, not trying quite as hard to actually get it anymore. "Give it."

"Clint," Tony mimicked, pressing one hand to Clint's chest to keep him from being able to reach far enough, other stretched out long as it would go. "Bite me."

"Oh my stars! What in the world is going on here?" That was a nurse, had to be, and they looked fucking ridiculous. Without thinking, Clint sagged forward and let his head drop... and his forehead ended up gently landing right on Tony's. "Now I do hate to break this up," she continued, a smile in her voice. "But I can't be letting patients get frisky this way. Now if you'd closed the door, I could at least pretend not to know." she added as she came to stand on the other side of the bed, where she could take note of Tony's vitals. When Clint pulled back enough to look up at her, she _winked_ at him, and he felt himself start to blush again. "Though at least now Tony here is smiling. I told you someone would visit! And it's your boyfriend to boot, which is just so adorable," she continued without missing a beat. Clint was too taken aback to say anything or even get down off the bed - he just stared. "He swore up and down that nobody was coming to see him, so we should just let him check out so he could go home, because he'd go crazy in here all by himself with nothing to work on. I'm glad he was wrong - looks like you came right from work too, how sweet."

Clint blinked a few more times, then looked down at Tony... who seemed pained, eyes closed tightly. Gone was the happy, smiling guy from a few moments ago, and that sucked. A lot. And he didn't really like the idea of Tony not getting any visitors either, though the reason why sort of escaped him. So instead of setting the nurse straight, Clint shrugged and finally managed to snag the stuffed bunny away from Tony, only to tuck it in at his side. "We only just started seeing each other," he explained to the nurse before plopping down in the chair set up for visitors. He was tired and a little sore himself, and he wasn't _quite_ lying, exactly. Well, not yet, but he would be soon. "He prolly didn't think I'd show." Tony was staring at him with wide eyes, holding Boppy (that fucking _name_ ) tightly, like he thought someone might really take it away.

The nurse clucked at them both, still smiling warmly as she fiddled with some of the wires Tony was hooked up to. It seemed like a lot to him, now that he was looking. Tony's legs were broken, but he was moving pretty quick and only seemed to have the one cut... so why was he hooked up to an IV and a heart monitor and stuff? "Well, looks like we're coming along nicely, Tony. The doctor said this bag needs to finish and then one more, just to make sure you'e in tip-top shape."

"I don't need-"

"You can't have any coffee until the IVs are finished," she interrupted sweetly. From the way Tony gasped and the anger on his face, she'd managed to hit him right where it hurt. "And it's good for you, so do try to stop being difficult, won't you?"

"Why's he all hooked up like that?" Clint asked, absently reaching out to run his fingers over the back of Tony's hand - it had gone back to fisting the sheets, and he wanted the nurse to know that he was aces at being a good boyfriend. Even though he wasn't actually one. Well perception was reality, so maybe? Whatever. "I only just got here, and we haven't talked about all his medical junk yet. He was busy giving the rabbit a dumb name-"

"Boppy is a great name for a bunny," Tony argued, though there was a question in his eyes when he looked to Clint. Hesitantly, he turned his hand over so their palms touched... and then Clint was holding hands with the guy he'd run over.

It had been a really weird fucking day.

"Boppy is an awful name."

"You're hurting his feelings, dimples."

"Are we at cutesy nicknames already? I missed cutesy nicknames," Clint confessed to the nurse, holding his free hand over his heart. "I'm awful."

"You're adorable is what you are, the two of you. And your young man is a lot better than he could have been. The broken legs are the worst of it. The machines look a little scary, I know, but they're mostly for just in case - preexisting conditions sometimes flare up in times of stress. And Tony was extremely dehydrated when he came in to see us today," she added, giving the man in question a scolding look Clint was pretty sure only moms and nurses could pull off. "Dehydrated and undernourished and not taking very good care of himself-"

"Hey," Tony protested weakly, looking too sheepish for it to deter the woman at all. "I do just fine taking care of me."

"Sure you do, kitten," Clint agreed, pleased that when he glanced at Tony the guy seemed to be blushing a little. "But maybe I'll start helping a little more. Just to make sure." Tony's fingers tightened around his, and then he turned his face away to hide it in his pillow. "I think I picked a good name," he told the nurse, winking at her. She winked back, took a last look at Tony's chart, then put it back.

"Well! Everything seems to be alright here - I'll come back in a little while to switch out the IV bags, Tony. You use that call button if you need anything, you hear me? Now, I'm going to shut the door behind me, but remember - don't get too fresh! If that heart monitor goes off, we'll know and come running." She left as quick and peppy as she'd come in, and Clint wondered if she was really that happy to be dealing with sick people all the time or if she was one of those where the smile fell from her lips as soon as they couldn't see her anymore. Either way, she'd been kinda nice, and she did shut the door behind her.

If he were really Tony's boyfriend, he'd be pretty pleased with her for that.

"Look, you can't name him Boppy," Clint started before Tony could, keeping hold of his fingers when Tony tried to tug them free. "He'll be embarrassed when he introduces himself to all the other stuffed bunnies."

"Look muscles-"

"Aww, I liked dimples."

"Look, that's... that's not... you did?"

"Better'n 'muscles' anyway."

"Have you seen your arms?" Clint blinked and looked down at said arms, then shrugged a shoulder.

"I practice archery. Well, practice is a dumb way to put it, because I'm fucking awesome at it, but yeah. I do competitions and stuff. Gotta be strong to bend a bow, but I'm not a bodybuilder or nothing." Tony was staring at him again, and he was starting to feel a little self-conscious. "What?"

"You're an archer? What century is this?"

"I dunno. Twentieth? Twenty-first? Not real sure how it works. Do you still think you have amnesia?"

"That or I'm in a coma and dreaming this. My fake boyfriend is an archer."

"Damn skippy."

"... am I dead?"

"Aren't we all?" Tony finally smiled again, though he rolled his eyes at the same time. "There we go - you got a nice smile, Tony."

"I liked kitten."

"Did you? I wasn't sure."

"Yeah. I did. But you don't have to... it was dumb of the nurse to just assume we were dating. Though with Boppy and all..." Clint gave a wounded sound at the name, but decided to stop fighting about it. Tony could name the silly thing whatever he wanted. "I can see why she did, I guess, but you don't have to keep... you know."

"Awww, kitten... you breakin' up with me?" Tony was blushing, Clint was pretty sure. He was also squeezing down on his hand though, so he didn't think the guy was angry at him or anything. Even though he should be. Frowning, Clint scooted a little closer, watching Tony's expression carefully. "You should, you know. I hit you with my _car_."

"It was mostly my own fault."

"It was both of us, I think."

"Then maybe you should be the one to break up with me." 

"You're the one with two broken legs, so I feel like no, I should not. That would make me a super shitty fake boyfriend. I plan on being the best fake boyfriend ever. What do you want me to sneak you in for food tomorrow?"

"You don't have to-"

"Best. Fake. Boyfriend. Ever."

"I really like cheeseburgers. With lettuce and tomato - no onions."

"Check and check. Ketchup and mustard?"

"Both please. And maybe pickles if you can't get relish?"

"You got it kitten. Will they let you have video games or anything? I have an old xbox 360 that I have Nat bring whenever I'm in the hospital and they let me have it. It's nice, keeps me occupied. I could bring that too, if you wanted."

"Are you in the hospital a lot?"

"I'm kind of a walking disaster. That's what everyone tells me, anyway." Clint shrugged and gestured to himself with his free hand, watching as Tony took him in. "I think I pretty much look the part. So yeah, I get hurt a lot, and I'm no stranger to hospital stays. You want the console or no?"

"I mean... if you really don't mind? I'm not gonna be able to get any of my stuff for a while, so... yeah. I guess that'd be... thanks dimples. I really didn't think that I'd get any... your visit made things a little better."

"Sorry I put you here in the first place."

"It really isn't your fault."

"Again, gonna have to disagree."

"Whatever. Hey - you don't have to stay. I'm sure you have other things to be doing. Like changing out of that uniform. You smell like french fries. Really stale, really greasy french fries. And did you get checked out before you went to work? Because yeah, I got hit, but you probably got some pretty good whiplash or something, right? And I see bruises and band aids - which don't make you a walking disaster, by the way, or I'd be considered a fucking walking catastrophe most of the time - so you must have been hurt. Did you get that all checked out? I bet you didn't. Here' let me just..." Tony attempted to turn towards Clint and press the call button, but he couldn't quite reach, not with the way his legs were hung up. The fact that he didn't just let go of Clint's hand to press it sent a tendril of warmth unfurling in his chest, which was weird. Usually he didn't find other people all that endearing, but Tony was proving to be something of an exception. "Clint, press the button for me."

"Nope!' he answered cheerfully, going so far as to cover it just in case Tony managed to contort himself enough to reach. "I'm fine, honest. Sure I got a few bruises, but nothing major. And only one of the band aids is from today, so don't worry your pretty little head about them either."

"What are they from then? And the nurse would still look at them. She thinks you're adorable, even if you are here to ravish me."

"I am so not here to ravish you. You have two broken legs - I would be the worst fake boyfriend in the history of fake boyfriends in I came here looking for sex. And, as we already established, I'm aiming to be the best one, so... no ravishing. Just wanted to make sure you were okay." Following a sudden impulse, Clint leaned in and dropped a kiss to Tony's slightly sweaty brow. He didn't mention the way the man stared at him, wide eyed and jaw dropped, or how he'd started to blush - he didn't think Tony'd appreciate it much. "And I promise when I come tomorrow I won't wear the smelly uniform, and that I'll come bearing burgers and video games. How long do they think you'll be in here for?"

Tony's face twisted into a scowl as he glared at his legs. "Well. Rhodey is deployed and Pep's in China for the month doing really important things so she can't come back, and if I hire a private nurse then Pepper will find out and try to come home anyway, so..." Tony shifted before shrugging, grip going so tight on Clint's hand that it sorta hurt. "So I guess I'm here for a month." He looked so unhappy about it that Clint felt genuinely bad for him.

"That... really sucks. There's nobody else who could help you out?" Tony's face went even tighter with sorrow, and he felt like an ass. "Right. Okay. Well then I'll just have to come visit you every day until you feel better." He'd thought Tony would be happy about it, maybe even relieved... but instead he just looked away, mouth still tight with some emotion Clint didn't understand.

"You don't have to do that just because you feel bad for me. I don't need your pity."

"Hey, whoa! Who ever said anything about pity? Remember when I said I was in the hospital a lot? Wasn't kidding. I know how much it blows, and you'll be in here for a long time. It bites. So if you don't have anyone to take you home sooner, then I'm coming every day so you don't die of boredom. Hospitals are fucking boring. I wouldn't abandon anyone to that fate, let alone my fake boyfriend. So it's not about pity, okay? Everyone deserves visitors when they're laid up like that - you're just lucky you get me and not someone less awesome."

"You're crazy."

"Little bit." "You don't have to come every day."

"But I will. Promised I would, didn't I?"

Tony turned his head to face him again, and there was something so bitter and broken in his eyes that Clint shivered and squeezed Tony's hand hard. "Promises people make never really end up happening, not for me. So don't worry about keeping it, alright?"

"Fuck you, fake boyfriend. I'm gonna be here every day."

"Right. Sure."

That was sort of insulting... but Clint couldn't really blame him. It wasn't like they knew each other or anything, even if they were going out. He'd just have to prove it with his actions, that was all.

Challenge accepted.

~.~.~

"Cheeseburgers! Dimples, you... you really brought me cheeseburgers..."

"That's what you said you wanted, kitten. But maybe keep it quiet so one of the nurses doesn't come busting in to take them. That's contraband, Tony. I don't wanna go to jail over cheeseburgers. While you eat, I'll set up the xbox. You won't be able to connect to the internet, but I brought a whole bunch of games and movies - didn't know what you liked, but I did my best. Have any specific requests?"

"No. I'm sure whatever you brought is fine."

"Well, if you change your mind..."

"Yeah yeah. Whatever. Throw on a movie and watch it with me."

"You feeling crappy today kitten?"

"... little bit. How'd you know?"

"You're being kinda cranky and a little demanding. Is it your legs, or is the medicine they're giving you making you feel yucky?"

"Medicine, mostly. Might not be able to eat both burgers."

"I'll eat the other one to hide the evidence then. Anything you want me to bring tomorrow? Maybe something a little healthier?"

"Blueberries."

"You got it. Do you care what movie it is?"

"No. I'll probably fall asleep halfway through."

"We'll go with a mindless comedy then."

"Okay. ... you're really gonna stay?"

"Yup! For the movie at least. Then I'll probably have to go - I gotta meet my friend Nat at the gym and get my ass kicked for a while."

"Sounds fun."

"Eh. I'd rather watch more movies, to be honest, but if I don't show, she'll kick my ass for real."

"Mmm. Sounds like a fun lady."

"Oh, she definitely is. Still. I'd rather watch movies. If you fall asleep, want me to wake you up before I go?"

"No, it's fine. Do you want to sit on the bed instead of in that chair? Looks uncomfortable."

"Thanks kitten."

"No problem, dimples."

~.~.~

"Hey Tony! I brought Boppy a friend. I saw him in a store window and I just knew that he'd get along with your bunny."

"Is that a stuffed kitty?"

"Mm-hmm. Go on, tell me how awesome he is. C'mon, I know I have impeccable taste, but I still need to hear you say it."

"Did you get that just because of that silly nickname you gave me?"

"That hurts. It really does. I got him because he was adorable."

"... he is kinda cute."

"See?"

"I'm naming him Dimples."

~.~.~

"Happy two week anniversary, boyfriend." Clint grinned as he watched Tony's jaw drop in surprise, fingers going still on the controller. That meant he immediately started getting his ass kicked in the game he was playing, but he didn't seem to care, just kept staring at Clint.

"Happy two weeks?"

"Did you forget, kitten?"

"No! I just... didn't know we'd be celebrating." Tony was blushing, which felt like a fucking treat. He was so cute when he blushed, but it didn't happen all that often - usually only when Clint did something that was sweet to a cavity-forming, vomit-inducing level. He was surprised celebrating an anniversary was enough to do it this time. It was a thing couples did, didn't they? In the honeymoon phase you were supposed to celebrate the dumb shit like two weeks. Maybe it was because they weren't actually dating, but fuck that noise.

"Hey, best boyfriend ever here. We're fucking celebrating. Brought you some cupcakes, since they put you on that medicine that makes you less nauseous. You probably won't even puke 'em up." The other man's expression turned adorably cross, and then he grabbed one of his many extra pillows to hurl it in his direction. He was cute but he'd never make it as an archer - his aim sucked, and Clint didn't even have to dodge to avoid getting hit.

"I apologized for that!"

"I know you did, calm down. I was teasing. Though I haven't been able to eat a burger since then."

"You are being very mean to me on our anniversary. Gimme my cupcakes so I can kick you out." The exaggerated pout on his lips was not just not fucking fair, because how could anyone look at it and not want to kiss it away? He would challenge the straightest straight man in all of Straightdonia to look at that pretty pout and not wanna get his mouth on it. And Clint was definitely not that guy, and it was especially unfair because despite the title of 'boyfriend' (okay, fake, whatever) he wasn't allowed to do it.

"You're not even gonna let me have one?" Tony wasn't the only one who could pout, dammit, so Clint was going to fight fire with fire. Though he didn't seem to melt at Clint's pout when he looked over. Un-fucking-fair.

"No, because you're mean. You're a mean meanie, and those cupcakes are mine."

"Um, excuse you, but I am not being mean. You're being mean, depriving me of cupcakes. It took me like, three hours to bake a batch that wasn't fucking disgusting." And it had been _expensive_ too. Why the fuck were baking supplies so expensive? He mostly blamed Nat for that though, because when he'd grabbed a pre-made mix from the shelf, she'd leveled a pretty terrifying glare his way, then insinuated that any boyfriend who really cared would make that shit from scratch, _especially_ a boyfriend willing to celebrate an anniversary as sappy as two weeks, but if he wanted to be an uncouth, uncultured asshole and a terrible boyfriend, a mix was just fine.

He'd cursed her the whole time he struggled to make real homemade cupcakes for the first time, because he was fucking awful at baking and he wasted a shit-ton of ingredients before he finally got it right.

He was drawn out of his sour thoughts by a sniffle from the bed, and no no no no no! Cupcakes were supposed to be a happy thing! But sure enough, when he looked over at Tony, Clint was alarmed to see him swiping at his eyes. His movements were jerky - he was probably pissed at being all emotional, but Clint wasn't sure how to tell him it was fine. They could totally blame the meds even if it wasn't true. He'd be so on board for that, especially if it meant Tony wasn't crying anymore.

"... you... you baked me cupcakes? For our anniversary? You didn't just... just buy them?"

"Don't cry - please don't cry! I thought... cupcakes! They won't even make you sick, unless you're allergic to chocolate, which would be a reason to cry, absolutely."

"Fuck you, I'm not crying." Clint wasn't a softy by nature, not when it came to other people. Sure he melted for Lucky and other down-on-their-luck animals, but people sucked and he knew it. But watching Tony glare at him, pretending not to be ridiculously touched by a batch of (if he were being honest) probably shitty cupcakes... something in him went as soft and squishy as his second batch had turned out.

"Right. 'Course you're not. C'mere." Tony's glare turned into a pout and he crossed his arms over his chest, but he wouldn't lean over to give Clint the hug he was asking for. Rude.

"I can't come anywhere."

"That sounds like a personal problem, and you're welcome for not making more jokes out of that, because you really walked into so many just then."

"I'm not going to thank you, because if you were making jokes at least I'd be laughing and then you'd admit that I wasn't crying. I don't cry."

"You were, a little, but it's fine. They look like shit - if someone gave them to me I'd cry too."

"Shut your face. They're beautiful." Clint snorted in disbelief, eyeing his efforts dubiously. "I mean, no, they're not like, the prettiest cupcakes I've ever seen, but most of the ones I've seen were made by like, professionals. Pep thinks cakes are messy and too hard to deal with, so there is no longer cake at any of her events. Uh, shindigs. Gala-type-things. No cake. Instead she has this bakery make these... these tower things that are fucking ridiculous. Craziest things I've ever fucking seen. Like there was this one where she wanted like... I don't fucking know, it was supposed to be some classy-ass thing," Clint had no idea what the hell Tony was talking about, but he smiled gamely because the guy looked all energetic and happy again, hands moving though the air almost as fast as his mouth. "So each freaking cupcake was like... fucking gilded. The bakery person said there was real gold in it. Like... what the fuck. Why are we eating gold? Do you know why people eat gold, dimples?"

"I dunno. Prolly some people with too much money and not enough to do with themselves came up with it. Bored rich people - the ones that don't actually work for their money - are the worst. The ones that work, more power to 'em," he added quickly, seeing the look on Tony's face. "That's totally legit and I like it. It's the fourth-generation rich, the ones who literally have nothing to do but sit around all day trying to figure out how to out-rich other people. That's why we eat gold sometimes."

"Huh. Makes sense I guess. Anyway, these cupcakes." Tony seemed uncomfortable, though Clint wasn't sure why. Awful eager to steer them back towards cupcake talk too. "So they way they were decorated was like... I can't imagine how much time went into each individual fucking one, and there were I think... a thousand of them? Ish? And they looked like they were made of porcelain, all white and gilded, with... with swirly fucking things and broach looking things with roses on them and shit. They were gorgeous but like, fuck if I wanted to eat them and ruin all the hard work that went into making them. And then like, two weeks later we did a birthday thing for one of Pep's nieces, and they did like... an ocean theme thing, and they had cupcakes that had like... it was bananas, dimples. It was like a little 'under the sea' scene on each one. There were, I shit you not, little tiny crabs and fish and turtles and stuff that looked like... like seaweed and coral and shit. A different look, but again - how the fuck am I supposed to eat that? So I think your cupcakes are especially beautiful because they look yummy and I won't feel like an ass eating them. Now gimme."

Clint couldn't help but laugh as Tony made grabby hands, because his boyfriend (fake, as the sad lack of kisses reminded him) was fucking adorable. He liked watching the man talk - it was like he lit up a little brighter every time he caught Clint's eye and found him still listening. And his hands were fascinating to watch too, movements both elegant and silly in turns. Ugh, he had a crush on his boyfriend - it was so freaking embarrassing. "Uh, did you just insult my cupcakes?"

"What? No! I said they looked yummy!"

"Really? Because I think what you actually said was-"

"Who caaaaares? It's our anniversary and you baked me cupcakes. Now feeeed me!" The door had swung open just after he started speaking - Clint didn't even look over. It'd be Josie, the nurse who'd let them get away with murder because she thought they were sweet. He also wasn't surprised when she threw her two cents into the ring. 

"Oh, it's your anniversary? Congratulations! I hope you brought me one of your sneaky cupcakes, Clint, or I'll have to confiscate them."

"Awww, that applies even to anniversary cupcakes?"

"Mmm. A toll is a toll."

"And a roll is a roll."

"And if you don't pay no tolls..."

"Then you won't eat no rolls." He grinned as he tweaked the rhyme from 'Robin Hood: Men in Tights' (which they'd watched the day before) and Josie beamed at him.

"You are _such_ dorks," Tony told them, but the smile tugging at his lips told Clint that he didn't mind that too much. "Give her a cupcake, then hand 'em over. All but one," he amended, rolling his eyes - probably at the way Clint was pouting. "That you may keep for yourself." Sighing heavily, Clint set aside cupcakes for himself and Josie, then plopped down in his usual spot. The uncomfortable chair had been empty since his fourth visit; now he always sat on the bed, on the opposite side of where the nurses and doctor usually did their work. He toed off his shoes to let Tony know he'd be staying a while that day, then shifted so he was sitting with his back against the wall, legs up on the bed. If he stayed there long enough on days he didn't smell like 'stale greasy french fries', Tony would cuddle up to his side, which was always nice.

"I'd be nicer to a nurse about to draw your blood, Tony." Josie playfully scolded as she went to the other side of the bed. "And don't eat any cupcakes until I get a vial, please."

"Aww, Josie-"

"Don't you interfere on his behalf, Clint. I need the blood, and Tony's a big boy and can handle himself just fine."

"Thanks for trying, Dimples." Tony murmured morosely, watching as Josie got everything prepped. Clint had noticed that he really did't like all the poking and prodding with needles, but he never tried to get out of it either. Usually he just set his jaw and sat staring at the ceiling until it was over, then whined at Clint until the last of the sensation faded away. Sometimes, if Clint didn't say anything about it or make a verbal offer, Tony wouldn't yank his hand away, instead letting Clint hold it. If Clint was stupid enough to ask first, Tony would send him a withering glare, then go it alone to prove how not-weak he was.

Idiot.

That day Tony looked even more apprehensive than usual. Clint didn't know why, but he could see it the even tighter clench of the man's jaw and the way his eyes were just a little bit wild. That was just not on; he was not watching his boyfriend be miserable and not even try to help. He didn't wait for Tony to settle against his side or even grab his hand - the time for such subtlety was over. Clint scooted a little closer, then carefully slung an arm around Tony's shoulders, cupped the back of his head, and reeled him in. Tony briefly went stiff, then seemed to sort of melt at the contact. He turned to hide his face in Clint's neck as he offered the nurse his arm, and Clint rewarded him by pressing a light kiss to his that slightly curly head of hair.

Josie sort of cooed, but otherwise stayed quiet during the draw, which Clint appreciated. She was practically a ghost as she marked his chart, grabbed a cupcake and left them; Tony didn't look up once, and he himself only mouthed a goodbye.

"Dimples?"

"'Sup, kitten?"

"... you've really come every day."

"Well, yeah. Gonna keep coming every day. Even when I smell like stale, greasy fries."

"I like it better when you don't smell like that."

"Me too. Ugh, gets in your hair and under your nails - I take like, three showers after work on days when I do my fast food job, just to get the smell out. Definitely my least favorite job."

"How many do you have?" Tony asked, sounding fascinated.

"Depends?"

"On what?"

"Time of year, how much my two 'official' jobs need me, and how scary Nat's being. When she's not terrifying, she pays me. Otherwise I volunteer to do shit to keep her from sucking my soul."

"She sounds like Pepper." Tony very obviously missed her, and less obviously missed the guy he called either 'Rhodey' or 'platypus' depending. Clint knew Tony was lonely and feeling a little grumpy and bitter over not being able to see either of his best friends. Of course, Clint was pretty sure that if he _told_ either of them he was hurt, they'd probably come running. His boyfriend was a little stubborn, but that was alright.

"Maybe I'll bring her in some time so you can meet her. She'd love you. I mean, she'd still be scary, but deep inside she'd be cooing the way Josie does."

"... you don't have to. She doesn't have to."

"Listen. We have just celebrated our two week anniversary with cupcakes that look so shitty you can eat them," he started, feeling a flush of victory when Tony giggled against his skin. "And so if I wanna introduce you to my best friend, I totally can. We've been together long enough. I have decreed it."

"You're so weird."

"You're the one dating me."

"Whatever. Gimme one of my anniversary cupcakes."

Clint stayed with Tony as he ate two of the apparently-decent cupcakes and through two movies. He sat quietly joking and talking until Tony fell asleep on his shoulder, and he stayed parked right there until Josie poked her head in and softly told him it was time to go. As much as he pretended Clint didn't need to say goodbye, he knew it actually made Tony kinda sad if he woke up and Clint was just gone. So he did just that, then peppered playful kisses all over Tony's sleepy face, making very sure to avoid the lips. When he finally left, Tony was blushing and smile, Josie was beaming, and Clint was figuring out how he could get Tony to remove the 'fake' bit from Clint's current boyfriend status.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter up! :D Probably mostly done with this, unless people wanted to see Tony's side of things? Maybe? But maybe not? I dunno. XD
> 
> Hope you enjoy! <3

Clint's car had always been a shitty piece of crap - it was all he could afford, and all he'd ever really needed so far. It wasn't like he commuted for miles and miles every day or anything, and he mostly liked to use it instead of catching a cab or the subway on the days he was going to the gym or the archery range after work. After he'd accidentally run over his (fake) boyfriend, his sorta sketchy mechanic told him everything was a-ok. The guy had washed the blood off for him and pounded out the dent in his fender, and said there were no problems with the car. None at all, and Clint could keep driving it, and that'll be seventy-five bucks for the small bit of near-nothing.

So of course, almost three weeks later when he went over a speed-bump a hair too fast, his car crapped out on him completely.

That wouldn't have been a problem, not really, except he'd already been running late. Late was also usually not a problem for him about nine times out of ten, but (of course) this was one time when it was really, _really_ not okay. There were only ten minutes before he was _too_ late, and fuck he couldn't believe this was happening. He wasn't going to let it happen, nope. he was going to make it, and even if he couldn't stay too long, he was going to make it.

Pushing the elevator button over and over and over probably wasn't helping, but it made him feel a little better. It was making him anxious though, and this one was so slow, and he was down to nine minutes. _Fuck_. Stairs it was. Slapping the button one last time out of spite, he turned and ran for the stairwell. He maybe shoved the door open a little harder than he needed to, but he didn't have time to be gentle - eight and a half minutes left! Taking the steps three at a time really was his only option, even if he went careening into a wall as he rounded the corner on the third floor. That was gonna leave a bruise for sure, but it was fine, and maybe he lost one of his shoes halfway up that flight of stairs, but he could totally grab it later. Or get new shoes! He probably needed new shoes anyway.

The stairwell let out on the wrong side of the floor, because his life was fucking cursed - thankfully he was an expert people dodger, or things might have ended badly at that point. With lots of 'whoa's and 'watch out's and 'watch it's, Clint kept running as fast as he could manage while winded and with his socked foot sliding all over the place. With five minutes left he ran right past the door he needed. Backpedaling landed him straight on his ass, where he promptly flopped back to stare at the ceiling, chest heaving. Five minutes, quickly ticking down to four, and he was no longer sure of his ability to make it. He was asked six times if he was alright, and he just sort of waved a hand in the air each time until one passer-by leaned over him.

"Clint? Honey, are you alright?" That was Josie, and she sounded pretty worried about him, so he cracked one eye open and nodded.

"Yeah. Fine." Almost able to breathe properly again, he used his feet to propel him back towards Tony's door - just over three minutes left. He could do this - he could totally not let his fake boyfriend down. His fake boyfriend would never agree to actually date him if Clint let him down. He was the best fake boyfriend ever, and he could fucking do this. "How... how is he... today?"

"Doing just fine. Well, he's a little down, but- Clint, why don't you stand up?"

"No. 'M good. Just... gotta... ... few more inches..." Josie followed after him those last few inches, looking worried for him. "Almost... there. Two minutes and forty-five seconds..." At that, her expression melted into that 'awwwww' face she got so often when she was watching them. "Promised. Every day." His head cleared Tony's doorway, and what he saw was just about enough to break his heart.

Tony was staring straight ahead lifelessly, not paying any attention to the movie playing on the TV. He had both Boppy and Dimples in his arms, and he was hugging them both tightly with his shoulders hunched over. The look on his face was forlorn and resigned, like he'd been expecting this all along, and Clint felt like the _worst_ boyfriend ever. He'd promised over and over that he'd come visit every day, and he'd always managed before now. Sometimes it was only for half an hour on his lunch break, but he did it because Tony was always so surprised and happy when he _did_ show up, and he wasn't about to let his fake, adorable, ready-to-be-let-down boyfriend think Clint had broken his promise.

"Kitten!" he called out, hating himself for wheezing after. The run up the stairs wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't sprinted six blocks to get to the hospital in the first place. He was totally getting Nat to help him work on aerobics because _fuck_ were his lungs pissed at him. Tony startled visibly before looking over, and the hope and joy dawning on his face made the way he was dying completely worth it. "I'm here! Sorry 'm late. Really late. Almost too late. Sorry." Scooting around the corner without standing up was harder than going straight back, but he managed - Josie was still trailing after him, and she helped his hips and thighs round the corner. She was struggling between smiling and frowning, but she still helped. "Made it. Should have... time for a hug pro'ly before she kicks me out. Hang on... almost there."

"Clint, you didn't have to-"

"Best boyfriend ever!" Clint declared loudly, lifting one hand and pointing a finger to the heavens. "Besides you anyway, kitten. You doubted me, didn't ya? But I always pull through. So I'm coming babe. Alllllllmost there." And he was, and there was like, fifty seconds left, which absolutely blew chunks.

"Dimples..." Tony sounded so touched, and that was just... ugh. He had such a huge, embarrassing crush on the guy. "... where's your other shoe?"

"Dunno. Stairwell somewhere."

"You're such a hot mess," his fake boyfriend sounded really fond of him, so that was nice. Also, he'd called Clint hot, so _clearly_ Tony was falling for his charms. "Are you imitating a worm on purpose, or has it been a hard day?"

"You have no idea," Clint whined, putting on an exaggerated pout. "You might have to kiss it better." Interestingly, Tony seemed to turn a little red before he sank down and hid his face behind his two stuffed animals. "I have the cutest boyfriend," he announced proudly to Josie, who only rolled her eyes before lightly kicking the sole of his single shoe. Taking what he thought the hint was, Clint scooted until he was almost to the bed, then tensed his abs before flipping up to his feet without using his hands. When he stuck the move both Tony and Josie applauded; his fake boyfriend seemed more interested than the nurse, which was a nice stroke to his ego. He bowed theatrically, then threw himself onto the bed as gently as he could manage - Tony's legs were out of traction, but too much motion still hurt him. "Hey kitten - sorry for being so late," he murmured before reeling the man in and tucking Tony's head under his chin. "Car broke down, and I don't run quite as fast as things with engines."

"You really don't have to come every day," Tony answered quietly. Despite his words, he was snuggling closer to Clint's side, their stuffed animal children squished between them. "I'd be fine alone for a day or two. It's better than you nearly killing yourself to get here before visiting hours end. You stink now too, and you're missing a shoe - who loses a shoe and keeps going? What if it goes missing? You can't walk home like this, Clint. So stop doing dumb things like running here and shit, because I really would have been fine. I mean, I kinda missed you a little, and I do like seeing you, but you don't have to. I know you keep saying you promised, but I release you from said promise. You are freed from obligation! See what I did there? If you didn't want to come at all for a while, that'd be totally fine, because I don't _need_ you to come. You're already the best boyfriend ever, okay, so you don't have to try to keep proving it. You smell soooo bad today, dimples. You should really shower before you leave, except... I guess you don't really have enough time for that. ... thanks for showing up though. Even if you didn't need to and I wasn't pining no matter what Josie and the other nurses tell you, they're terrible gossips, so-"

It wasn't that Clint didn't like listening to Tony ramble, because he definitely did. It was sweet and cute, and usually he could listen to it all day. But he was at negative forty-eight seconds, so he really should say goodbye. So he hooked his fingers under Tony's chin to tip his head back, then brushed a soft kiss over the corner of his mouth. That made the flow of words stop, leaving Tony gaping at him and turning pink. Clint had gotten in the habit early of dropping kisses to his (still fake, which sucked) boyfriend's forehead, temples and cheeks, but this was the first time he'd gotten so close to a _real_ kiss.

"Sorry kitten, but I was super late on account of being a walking disaster. I think I gotta get out of here before Josie has to kick me out."

"Oh. Right. You can't stay. That's fine. I'll... um. I've got a movie that I'm... I have no idea what Rebecca put in, to be honest. Looks like maybe a rom com. A dumb one. Josie, can Clint put on a better movie before he leaves?"

They both looked over at her, and even if he couldn't see Tony's, Clint was pretty sure they were wearing matching pouts. Josie arched a brow at them before smiling and shaking her head. "My goodness. You're both too adorable. Clint honey, you stay right there and keep our Tony comfortable for a little while, okay? I'll be right back."

"You're my favorite nurse!" Clint called after her, cheeks hurting a bit from the force of his grin. Sure, it would probably be just enough time to change the movie and say goodbye... but he was totally going to enjoy those few minutes to the fullest. "What do you wanna watch, kitten?" he asked as she walked out the door, starting to pull away. But instead of answering, Tony gave a soft whine of protest and wrapped his arms around Clint's waist, holding on almost as tightly as he'd held onto his stuffed animals earlier. "Okay. Movie can wait," he agreed easily.

"You could change the movie," Tony argued while hiding his face in Clint's shoulder. "I wouldn't mind. You're really stinky."

"So you've said. Three times now. Sorry - I did a lot of running to get here on time, and before that I was working."

"Not the greasy french fry job though. That plus sweat would be even grosser. So it was the... landscaping thing?"

"Mmm," he agreed, burying his nose in Tony's hair. "Though it's more groundskeeping, since they don't let me change much. You're lucky it wasn't any hotter or I'd _really_ smell. It wasn't a mowing day either, or I'd have all sorts of dried grass all over me, and that gets itchy. Today we were mulching - you're probably getting a hint of that under the sweat."

"Icky. ... did you really run here? What happened to your car?"

"Speed bumps suck. Let's leave it at that." Tony turned his head, then started to laugh against Clint's throat - that was pretty awesome, and his day was really starting to turn around. "I was already late, and none of the fucking taxis would pick me up... so I ran. And then the elevator here sucks so I took the stairs. And I've got calisthenics down - you have the most flexible boyfriend ever as well as the best one - but I've been neglecting the other shit. I need Nat to kick my ass into gear. So the stairs kinda killed me. And stole my shoe."

"Poor baby," as he spoke, Tony patted him a couple times on the chest, but he sounded more amused than empathetic. "You worked really hard to get here on time, dimples. You really didn't have to. You're... it's not like we're really... you know." Didn't he ever, and it sucked. He really should maybe talk to Tony about making this whole arrangement not so fake, but he couldn't while Tony was still laid up like this. What if Tony got mad and told him not to come back? He'd totally honor that, but Tony might get lonely, which was totally not what he was going for, so keeping his trap shut until Tony was ready to go home or at least have other visitors was the best plan. "So you really could stop coming... if you... wanted."

"Do you want me to stop coming?"

"... you could if you wanted."

"That's not what I asked."

"Well it's the truth!"

"Look, if you want me to stop visiting, kitten, you just tell me so. Otherwise I'mma keep dropping by, kay?"

"I'm not going to tell you to stop coming," Tony muttered, shifting again to rest his head on Clint's shoulder. "I like it when you drop by."

"I know. And I'm sorry it looked like I wasn't coming today. Sorry I only got here in time to say goodbye."

"It's not your fault. You tried so hard to get here. And it wasn't like I was worried. Or upset. Or, you know. Sad. I know that you have a whole life outside of me, so you didn't have to show up, and I wasn't ready to cry or anything, because I could have handled it if you didn't show up. But maybe... maybe if it ever happens again you could call after visiting hours are over? Not that I need you to, or that it would make me super happy or anything. Because I would be fine if you didn't show up or call, since I am a grown-up type person who is totally independent and not at all needing visits or... or cuddles or anything, and so you really don't need to, you know. Be such a great boyfriend. Especially since I suck at being one."

"Aw, insecure boyfriend..." Clint hugged Tony a little closer and began running one hand up and down his back. "Don't get down on yourself just 'cause you're stuck in the hospital like this. I bet once you're done with the casts and the forced bed rest and all you'll be an even better boyfriend than I am."

"I've always been a sucky boyfriend."

"Shush." Clint demanded, dropping a quick kiss to the crown of his head. "You're a great boyfriend and I'm not listening to any naysaying on the subject. From henceforth-"

"Henceforth? The medieval archer in you is coming out."

"Remember with the shushing? Go with the shushing. Henceforth! There shall be no badmouthing of my boyfriend Tony! Not from anyone, including and up to said boyfriend himself. Any breaking of this sacred decree-"

"Did you become a cult leader when I wasn't looking?"

"Make fun of me all you want, kitten - just no more saying anything bad about you. That's the rule henceforth."

"What is with you and the word henceforth?"

"It's a fun word. My new favorite."

"You're a weirdo, dimples. You're sweet but you're weird."

"I can live with that," he answered cheerfully. "Henceforth, I shall be-" Clint found himself with a face full of Boppy, which brought his sentence to a sputtering stop. He grabbed hold of the bunny and pulled it away, looking at Tony with an arched brow, one he tried to copy from Natasha, though he didn't pull it off half so well. "You know, if I wasn't worried about all the squirming hurting your legs, that would be a tickling offense. I'll put it on your tab." Tony rolled his eyes and settled in again, both Boppy and Dimples now resting on Clint's stomach.

The silence that fell between them was comfortable and easy. It was almost enough to put him to sleep, actually, which was less good. Josie would probably be coming back soon - he was surprised she hadn't already stopped by to force him to leave. A few yawns in, he was running his nails over Tony's scalp while his (sadly, tragically) fake boyfriend drew absent patterns on his chest. It had been a while since he'd had anything romantic in nature that wasn't a one-night stand, and sure, maybe he still technically didn't, but it was a nice kind-of lie. Sort of lie? He wanted it to be real, and sometimes he thought that maybe Tony wanted it to be real, so maybe it was only like, a quarter of a lie. However it all laid out in the end, it was just nice to have someone to be quiet and snuggly with.

So when Josie came in, he pulled on the pout again to try and wrangle a few more minutes - she just smiled and cleared her throat. Tony grumbled and refused to look over at her, his arms tightening again. It was pretty fucking adorable, so Clint thought that maybe the nurse who loved them together would cave. Turned out he didn't need to worry.

"You know... with Tony out of traction, the visitation rules change a little. For our patients who are at low risk for infection and who won't be adversely affected we have a more flexible policy. Things have been a bit crazy on this floor, so I never cleared it with our head nurse; I just spoke to her, and she agreed. You can stay as long as you'd like, Clint - Tony clearly does better when you're here with him, so there's no reason why we can't work with that. We do allow one family member or significant other to spend the night as well, so you two could discuss if that's something you'd like to do. Anyway, I let the staff know that you're with Tony and that you have permission to stay until Tony himself kicks you out. This way you don't ever have to worry about missing your time together. Just remember - we still frown on hanky panky!"

Through her speech, Tony had slowly taken more and more interest. By the end, he was sitting up all the way with his hands clutching at Clint's shirt. A look of guarded joy was on his face, like he was waiting for her to say 'gotcha!' and ruin the nice surprise of the moment, but Clint was like, one hundred and twelve percent sure that wasn't going to happen. So he blew the woman a kiss before turning his head to place another soft, careful kiss against the corner of Tony's mouth. "Now you're definitely not getting me to stay away," he teased with a smile. "I can stay as long as I want. So there. Josie!" The woman was shaking her head at him when he returned his attention to her, but she was also still smiling.

"What can I do for you now, Clint?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to proclaim my undying - if platonic - love for you. You are an angel, and I adore you with all that I am. Henceforth-"

"Oh my fucking God," Tony muttered in his ear, not even slowly Clint down a bit.

"You shall be my favorite nurse, above all other nurses in both skill and heart. Thanks Josie," he added more seriously, shooting her a crooked smile. "I really wasn't ready to say goodbye yet. If Tony's up for a slumber party and I have a friend bring some clothes, can she drop them off up here or would I have to go downstairs?"

"Flexible visiting hours are just that - flexible. Your friend can't stay the night with you, but she can stay until about ten o'clock or so when the overnight shift starts."

"Awesome. Is there like, a cot or something? I wouldn't wanna roll over and jack up his legs even more."

"We'll get one brought in for you... if Tony wants you to stay. I'll let you two talk that over, alright? You can let me know when I do my final rounds."

"That's... thanks Josie-posie."

"It's not a problem, Tony. You two just enjoy the cuddling, alright? You're so cute together - I just want to take pictures and show them to everyone I know." Giving a broad wink that let Clint know she would never actually do that, she closed the door behind her on the way out, giving them a little more privacy than they'd had before.

"You don't actually want to stay... do you? There's no way you do. I mean, a cot can't compare with a real bed when it comes to comfort, and you've got work tomorrow. You always have work tomorrow. You need sleep, Clint, not a restless night listening to me beep at you. Just because you _can_ stay doesn't mean you have to. I'm not wor-"

"Bzzzzzt! You have broken the sacred decree - that's a second tickling added on to your tab. You are totally worth it, and if I spend the night I could have so many sleepy cuddles, kitten. And we could even have morning cuddles! I'm working second shift tomorrow, so I was only going to be able to come on my dinner break. I'd rather be here in the morning to eat shitty hospital food with you. I want to stay, but it's your room and your sleep - if you want me to head out when that overnight shift starts, I will get out of your hair. It's your call, okay?"

Tony watched him long enough that Clint couldn't help but start to squirm. "... are you going to make that sound every time I break the-"

"Sacred decree? Yes. Yes I am."

"That is going to get really annoying really fast. But yeah. Okay. You can, you know, stay. As long as it's what you want! Because I do like sleepy cuddles quite a bit, so that part sounded pretty nice, and so did the part where you'd be here in the morning. So if you're really sure you want to stay then you can. Would your friend Nat be bringing you clothes? What if she doesn't like me? I mean, I assume she knows about the whole fake relationship that we stumbled into, right?"

"Yup! She's the one that had me make cupcakes from scratch for you. And don't worry about her not liking you," he added to try and relieve some of the anxiety that had entered Tony's eyes. "She'll love you. You're adorable and I like you, so that's two things that are strongly in your favor. She'll have resting bitch face the whole time, but trust me - there's no way in hell she's going to hate you."

"If you say so," Tony murmured doubtfully. "So you'll really stay?" It would take a monster to ignore the look of fragile hope on Tony's face, and that was one thing he'd never been accused of being. "You don't have to, but you know, if _you_ want to I wouldn't mind. It might be, um. Nice. What you said about the morning cuddles and the shitty hospital food. Not the shitty part of the food so much though, but I've been eating this food so long that I forgot what the real stuff tastes like. Do you think that maybe Nat might sneak me in something yummy?"

"What do you want, kitten?"

"Can we try the cheeseburger thing again? I haven't thrown up in almost two weeks."

"Yeah, I'll ask. Lemme call her." Clint reached into his pocket to fish for his phone with one hand and resumed stroking Tony's hair with the other. The call was short and sweet, with Nat sorta pissed at him for not making it to the gym but intrigued by the opportunity to meet his boyfriend. The fake one, which was the only one he had, but still. Tony was pretty clearly nervous for the meeting that was coming. He was plucking at Clint's clothes and babbling like a madman, which was adorable but totally unnecessary. Nat was scary sometimes, but not _scary_ scary, so Tony really didn't have anything to worry about. Still, he was freaking out in his head, Clint was pretty sure, which was totally unacceptable.

Throwing in a two player fighting game was a stroke of limited genius on his part. It was draining Tony's anxiety, but he was pretty sure all the twisting and turning and jostling each other's shoulders probably wasn't the best for two broken legs. It also wasn't fair that Tony was so fucking good, because he hadn't lost so many matches in a row in years.

"You are a cheater!"

"I'm not cheating, dimples! You're just mad that you suck so bad." Tony answered gleefully as his character inflicted a fatality on Clint's poor, defenseless fighter. "How would I even cheat anyway?"

"Cheater cheater, pumpkin eater. You're just button mashing! Button mashers are the worst," he told the man, carefully bumping against his shoulder. "I am dedicated to learning all the correct button combos, and executing them properly, and-"

"Getting your ass kicked. And all at the same time! I'm so lucky to have such a skilled boyfriend." He turned his head and planted a smacking kiss on Clint's cheek which was just about enough to make him burst with happiness. Tony didn't give him kisses nearly as often as he was handing them out, so getting them was always cause for celebration. Except that now he sort of wanted to give Tony a kiss-kiss, which was not allowed. Probably. Maybe he should test that theory some time.

A knock at the door caught their attention, and Clint had hardly had a chance to look over before it opened just enough to let Natasha slide in. It closed behind her with a soft click, and he took complete advantage of Tony's distraction to _destroy_ him in the current fight. "Yes! Bam. In your face, kitten!" he crowed, throwing his hands up into the air. "Victory is mine at last!" Tony immediately elbowed him in the gut, causing him to give an 'oof' of discomfort.

"Now who's the cheater?! You are unbelievable, taking advantage of a man in his sickbed-"

"Oh stop it, you're fine, it's just a couple... broken... I don't have a leg to stand on here, do I? ... That was in poor taste, wasn't it?"

"Little bit, but I forgive you dimples. Gonna cost you some more cupcakes though."

"Nooooooooooo. They take so long to bake."

"But they look just shitty enough to eat."

"Aw, kitten." Just after he spoke, Clint took a duffel bag to the face, which was totally uncalled for but also a lot gentler than it could have been. "Nat," he whined as it tumbled into his lap. "My nose."

"Have your boyfriend kiss it better," she told him, right eyebrow slightly lifted. "And I'll help you with the cupcakes this time. Tony's lucky you didn't give him food poisoning from the last batch."

"That was one time! And by 'I'll help you' she means that she'll send her boyfriend Bucky to glare at me while he takes over my kitchen and makes them himself," he added in an aside to Tony. "He's a pretty good cook, but I think it's because he scares the food into submission. Ow." The smack to the back of his head had _him_ glaring. "Why are you... oh. Right. Nat, this is my boyfriend Tony; kitten, this is my best, slap-happy friend Natasha." Nobody commented on the way he left out the 'fake' part, so - victory!

"Hi Nat. I've heard a lot about you. I guess you're the one I should be thanking for my homemade, from scratch cupcakes."

"And cheeseburgers," she added with a small smile, flourishing a takeout bag in the air. Tony gasped and dropped his controller to make grabby hands at it.

"Nat. Nat. I love you. I know we just met and all, but I would like to have your babies please."

"Hey! Sitting _right_ here." Tony absently gave him a pat on the head while Natasha smirked at him. "Aw, boyfriend theft. You're mean, Nat. I'm gonna steal Bucky's affections, just you wait and see. I will steal him in all his surly glory while you only get... no. I'm gonna find a way to earn my kitten back, because he is sooo much better than-"

"I would be honored to have you carry my babies," Nat interrupted, keeping her voice even and her expression blank - the only hint that she was joking was the glint in her eyes. "I'll bring you cheeseburgers every day, and we can both keep our on-the-side boyfriends. I'll make them rub your feet and fetch you things."

"It's a plan. Now fork 'em over, future partner in child rearing. The deal is nothing without the junk food." Nat finally grinned and crossed to the bed. Clint expected her to take that uncomfortable chair, but instead she crawled up on the bed, sitting cross-legged at his side. She handed the paper sack over, and Tony gave another gasp of delight. "Thank you thank you thank you." He fished out a burger quick as a flash and had it unwrapped before Clint could blink. "Hello you beautiful bastard," he crooned, causing a smile to break out on Clint's face. "Where have you been all my life?"

"He might be carrying your kids and dating me, Nat, but I think he's gonna marry the cheeseburgers."

"I call maid of honor."

"Uh-uh. Pep gets maid of honor, sorry. Pepper is my maid of honor and Rhodey's my best man. I don't think the burger needs either thing." Tony told them matter-of-factly before biting into his first burger. He practically melted from pure joy, and Clint wished _he'd_ been the one to bring the burgers.

"Glad you're enjoying them. Clint, go take a shower. You stink," she told him mercilessly.

"I said the same thing!" Tony chimed in, beaming. "It almost makes me long for the greasy, stale french fry smell."

"That one is a little better," Nat allowed before shoving lightly at Clint's thigh. "Shower. Now."

"You guys are mean. I'm going to go shower, not because you told me to or because you're both making fun of my stench, but because I want too. Also, henceforth-"

"He's been in dramatic archer mode since he got here," Tony confided in an aside.

"Ahem. As I was saying. Henceforth, you two are not allowed to spend time together. Nat. Shoo." The glare she leveled at him was enough to make a lesser man cower, but he was mostly immune. "Fine, fine. But I expect you gone when I return from my shower." It was hard to leave a hospital bed in a huff, but he did try. He stomped dramatically toward Tony's bathroom - not for the first time, he was grateful that his boyfriend had a private room. The last thing he heard before the door shut behind him was Tony's voice.

"Do you want a bite of my burger?"

Clint didn't bother to fight a smile. He'd known they would like each other.

After the shower, when he came out still damp and hoping Tony might like that, he found the pair of them curled up together. They were watching 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' (he'd let Tony borrow all seven seasons) and snarking at the TV together, which was nice. Nat had an intricate braid in her hair that hadn't been there before, so she'd apparently let him touch her _hair_. This was probably the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

They shifted a little when Clint joined the cuddling; Tony ended up being sandwiched between them and looking pretty damned happy with the situation. Josie looked charmed when she came in to find them like that, and she let Clint know that someone would bring a cot in for him later. Nat didn't leave until the overnight shift kicked her out. She did it with a kiss to both their cheeks and a promise to stop by again. Then Clint got alone cuddle time, which didn't stop until Tony finally drifted off to sleep.

It was a pretty damn good way to spend an evening. He was definitely adding it to the 'you should totally date me for realsies' pitch. It probably wasn't going to go over real well, but a guy had to try. Tony was worth the potential embarrassment of rejection. He just... he hoped Tony knew he was risking it for the right reasons.

~.~.~

"I cannot _believe_ you didn't tell me!" The woman in Tony's room wasn't exactly screaming, but there were definitely yell-y qualities to her voice. Clint stopped in his tracks to process that, frowning and gripping his latest stuffed offering a little tighter. He should probably intervene, but all of the staff members were just walking by and just barely glancing inside, so... it was okay. Most likely. But he should definitely be rescuing his boyfriend. "You are just... you are the most unbelievable man on the face of this planet! Maybe even in the whole universe. You are just... just... I can't think of a word bad enough to describe what you are, Tony, that's how upset I am. Did you think I wouldn't come? We have been over this! I don't just work for you, you idiot - I care about you. We're friends. I can't... I can't believe you didn't tell me, Tony."

"Pep. Pepper. Pepper-pot. Don't cry. _Please_ don't cry. I will buy you so many shoes if you just-"

"Shoes are not the answer Tony!" Now the woman was practically wailing, so it was time to step in. Tony had mentioned 'Pepper' a lot, so he was going to save her from the insanity that was his boyfriend. He steeled himself, then stepped in front of the room and gave the door a cheery knock.

"Tony! I brought you a present. Oh - hey!" Clint acted like he hadn't heard a thing and smiled brightly at the pair of them. "You must be Pepper." He stepped forward and offered her his free hand, which she ignored in favor of staring at him and blinking. She was pretty, he decided absently. Her hair was red, but a softer shade than Nat's, and the freckles marching across her nose had probably inspired her nickname. She was dressed fancy for a hospital visit with heels that made her taller than he was, and she was sort of intimidating. Thankfully, he was used to Nat. "Tony's told me a lot," he added, hand still outstretched.

"That must be nice," she answered after sending a pretty fucking frigid look Tony's way. The man flinched back into the bed, darting a pleading look his way before trying out a sheepish expression on Pepper. From the look on _her_ face it wasn't working. "He rarely tells me anything at all. Pepper Potts," she introduced before finally stepping forward and taking his hand. "And who are you?"

"Clint Barton," he told her, grinning again and biting back the urge to add 'the boyfriend' to the end of that. Her expression did something complicated before she settled on a bland smile and squeezed his hand. "It's nice to meet you. I tried to get him to call you," he added, ignoring Tony's dramatic 'gasp of betrayal'. "You and Rhodey. He was being stubborn, but he was also hopped up on a lot of medications, so maybe cut him a little slack?" His smile was aiming for charming - he wasn't quite sure he got there, but Pepper's smile did look a little softer.

"He's always stubborn. The medication had nothing to do with it." Their hands dropped, and Pepper gave him a quick nod before turning her attention back to Tony. "I'm going to go see what we need to do to get you out of here. It'll probably involve a private nurse and at least a month without going to the workshop," Clint kind of hated the frantic look Tony darted his way, but it probably wasn't the best time to throw out any confessions. "Since you hid this from me, I'm getting one of those intense private nurses who believes wholeheartedly in physical therapy and body cleanses," she added sweetly. Clint made a mental note to keep her and Nat separated for as long as possible. That was either going to go fantastically well or end in a bloodbath. He didn't want it to happen before he'd had a chance to sell tickets.

Pepper left in a flurry of clicking heels, leaving Tony staring after her with a smile tugging at him lips. "I missed her," he decided aloud. "You were right, I probably should have called her sooner." After a second, he switched his attention to Clint - he told himself that Tony's smile definitely turned brighter and happier when he did. "Hey. I wasn't expecting you until later. And did you say you brought me a present?"

"I'm glad I didn't come later - you'd have ridden off into the sunset with Pepper and I'd never see you again." His heart sort of ached a little at the truth of that statement, but he kept a smile fixed on his face. "And yup! Presents. Well, one present. But I think you'll really like it, so it's going to count as at least two. Maybe three. Look!" He held it out and was pretty damn pleased with himself when Tony's eyes lit up.

It was a stuffed robot that was shaped sort of like R2-D2, though it was red and gold and without quite so much detail. Still, Clint knew it would bring Star Wars to mind, which his (maybe, sadly) former boyfriend loved. He liked robots in general too, and so he was pretty sure he'd hit the stuffed present jackpot when he'd found it. Winning it had been more expensive than it should have been - he was pretty sure that claw game in particular had been rigged. Still, it was totally worth it for the way Tony started up his grabby-hands.

"He's so cute! Clint, you didn't have to... oh my God, I need him. I never knew how much I needed him until I saw him, and now I'm in love. I have to have him. Give him over, please, so I can introduce him to Boppy and Dimples. Where did you find him? You don't have to keep bringing me things, you know, even if I enjoy all your almost-beautiful cupcakes and the cheeseburgers and the blueberries and the stuffed things to cuddle, but you really don't have to... I mean, I love him. Hand him over." Tony was getting better at keeping himself from telling Clint he didn't have to do things, but he still tended towards the habit when he got flustered.

This might be the last time he saw Tony get flustered. Fuck.

"Handing him over now," he told the other man instead of trying to clarify where they'd stand once Pepper sprung him from the hospital. He crossed the room in a few quick steps and, without thinking, plopped down on the bed with Tony. He had his shoes off and was in his usual spot before he realized how it would look to Pepper, but by then it was kind of too late. It was really hard not to tense up at first, but then Tony was leaning against his side, head on Clint's shoulder and the robot in his hands "So you like him then?"

"I told you - I love him. I'm going to name him... Butterfingers."

"Like the candy?"

"No, like the... uh. I'm... uh. Trying to build my own robot? And I'm going to maybe name him Butterfingers? Having a stuffed on named after him might help keep me inspired?"

"Is everything you say going to be a question for the foreseeable future?"

"Why are you always such a pain in my ass?" Clint laughed and Tony joined in quickly. It would be a super good moment to confess two things, but instead he buried one hand in Tony's hair and started lightly running his nails over the man's scalp. When the man melted even further against him with a happy sigh, Clint turned and pressed his lips to Tony's temple, breathing him in. This could really _suck_ , but Tony wasn't acting any different and Pepper hadn't questioned his presence, so maybe it would be okay?

"Does Pep know we're dating?" Clint never added the 'fake' bit out loud anymore, and Tony never corrected him. So it was a victory, though a subtle one.

"Not yet," Tony murmured, which was maybe another point in his favor. Because that 'yet' implied things... didn't it? Or maybe not. This was confusing and kind of awful, but Tony was still cuddly, so he'd take it. They were quiet while they waited for Pepper, though Tony had gathered all three of his stuffed animals to look them over. It wasn't until the sound of heels clicking on the tile floors started echoing in the hallway that Tony finally looked up at him. "I'm going to miss this," he whispered timidly, like he thought Clint might be mad. That was crazy talk - thought, whatever - and Clint had to let him know it. He took hold of Tony's chin and tipped his head back. In a move that had become pretty familiar in the past week, he kissed the corner of Tony's mouth, then did a new thing that he'd sort of wanted to do for a while. He put his forehead against Tony's, then lightly brushed their noses together.

"I'm gonna miss it too, scruffy kitten. But you know, we could-"

"Tony, there's a couple of forms you need to sign, and then there's - oh." Neither of them yanked away from the other when Pepper's voice broke the moment, which was another one of those small victories. They were really starting to pile up, which could mean something great. Maybe. Possibly. This was really hard to read, and he had the urge to just kiss the guy and be done with it... but Tony gave a resigned sigh before gently pushing Clint back.

"It's fine, Pep. Um. This is Clint. Barton. Clint Barton, but he told you that part. He, uh... he visited every day, you know."

"That part _you_ told me."

"Oh, yeah. Right. Uhm. So he came every day, and lately he's started like, staying overnight and eating really shitty hospital food with me in the morning, and he brings me things. Did I tell you about the cupcakes? I definitely told you about the cupcakes. They're really yummy, even if they kinda look a little, you know. Sketchy. I mean! Not that they look _sketchy_ exactly, because Clint is a really good, you know. Cupcake decorator. You are, I promise dimples. You know just how to make them, you know, appetizing without being beautiful. And they taste better than they look Pep, honest. If he ever makes some for you, you should definitely eat some. Like you do with, uh. Cupcakes. Anyway. And look! This is Boppy and Dimples and Butterfingers - they're brothers and I love them, Pep. Aren't they cute? Clint got them all for me, and he visited every day," Pepper had a soft, sweet smile on her face that Clint was pretty sure mirrored his own expression. "Did I mention the every day visiting and the staying sometimes? And he let me borrow his xbox 360, and some movies and games and TV shows and stuff. And he's a good cuddler, and he only smells bad like, half the time. So uh. Yeah. Clint. Who is. You know. My... boy...friend?"

The last was said with a shy, uncertain look in Clint's direction, which was just... ugh. Again with the crush-feelings toward his fake boyfriend of almost a month. He was such a geek. Wait - not the important thing! Tony hadn't used 'fake' first either! That was a _huge_ victory! Holy shit. He had a boyfriend. A real one that he totally had a crush on, and it was embarrassing but awesome, and holy shit. He had to tell Nat!

He had to tell Nat as soon as he'd reassured Tony, who'd started to shrink back. "Yes!" It was practically a shout, which was definitely not a thing you were supposed to do in a hospital. When he darted a look over at Pepper though, she was clearly hiding a smile behind one hand, eyes crinkled with mirth. "I mean. Yeah. Boyfriend. That's me. Definitely not a fake one either, because that would be totally ridiculous. Been head over heels for him since I, you know. Hit him with my car. Which was absolutely an accident! Have I apologized for that lately?"

"Yesterday," Tony told him, lips slowly beginning to curve up in a smile. "Usually you do it once or twice a week - this time it was yesterday. And I forgave you when you showed up with Boppy, dummy."

"Aw, kitten."

"So yeah. Pep, this is my boyfriend. As of, you know. Today. Right now, actually. You witnessed the becoming of actual boyfriends. Feel honored and impressed, Pepper-pot. I got game even in a hospital with a shaggy beard and two broken legs. I am amazing."

"Yeah. He is." Clint turned his head to press a lingering kiss against the corner of Tony's mouth, mostly because he'd like their first kiss to happen alone. "Even lost a shoe for him once," he said without looking over to Pepper. As a reward, he got to watch Tony turn a little pink, which was pretty cool.

"They're like this all the time," a new voice that belonged to Josie chimed in in a stage whisper. "Isn't it just too adorable?"

"Cavity inducing," Pepper replied dryly. "Thanks for taking care of him. He can be a handful, I know, but he's got a certain charm about him."

"I couldn't pay her enough to make her stay otherwise," Tony remarked absently, eyes still locked on Clint's. He really did have the prettiest eyes - Clint had thought that since day one. He was really starting to get scruffy - that trademark beard of his had been gone three days in, but he'd only started letting a full one grow in about a week ago. He needed a haircut too, but he was still the total package, with pretty eyes and a sweet smile and the cutest tendency to ramble out loud. "Hey, Pep and Josie? Can we maybe have the room for a bit? Like, a couple hours while you get everything set up for me? I don't care who you hire for a nurse, Pep, and Josie you can totally pretend you don't see Pepper forging my signature on those boring papers - it'll be a great time for everyone involved. Shoo please."

"Sometimes a good deal of his charm comes from his ability to pick out nice shoes to apologize to me with," Pepper interjected. She sounded like she might be more amused than angry - he could look over to find out for sure, but that would mean he wasn't looking at Tony anymore, which would be unacceptable. "Why don't you let me buy you a coffee while we wait for them to stop making googly eyes at each other? You wouldn't know it from the tabloids, but Tony isn't actually a fan of PDA."

Clint felt Tony start to tense up as the two women left the room chatting, so he quickly carded his hands through Tony's getting-shaggy hair. "It's okay," he soothed quietly. He didn't continue until he heard the door click shut behind him. "What's wrong, scruffy kitten? I'd like to kiss you - a whole lot, have since you chose the dumbest name ever for the bunny - but it seems like you're falling out of the mood."

"Uh. Well. It's just that... you know, I definitely want to kiss you too, and it's been just about as long, ever since you brought me Dimples to be friends with Boppy, which - by the way - is a totally acceptable name for a stuffed bunny, so you can stop it. You visited every day, which was... you know. Not a lot of people would do that for me. Rhodey and Pepper, but Rhodey's known me since college and I pay Pepper, so she-"

"Bzzzzt!" Clint grinned when Tony rolled his eyes and let his hand slide down to cup the man's cheek. "Pepper doesn't stay with you because you pay her. She likes you and you're friends. So stop that unless you want a thousand ticklings after you're finally out of those casts."

"You're a dork. But that wasn't what I was trying to... I had a point. A really good point, so I'm gonna get back to that now if that's okay with you. Um. So look. Full disclosure time before we kiss, okay? Because I've sort of been trapped here for a while and you've seen a few of my less attractive traits, but there are a lot more that you haven't even - look, you haven't really scratched the surface of my all my - don't you dare 'bzzzt' at me, because this is factual shit, not just me putting myself down. I drink - like a lot, both coffee and booze, and I get really wrapped up in work, and sometimes I'm kind of a little bit mean when I think I'm being funny, and I can be pretty defensive sometimes, and I lash out when I feel hurt, and-"

"Ooh, this is a fun game! Let's see. I like to go to bars and pretend I'm drunk so I can make outrageous amounts of money playing darts. Sometimes I am drunk and I don't make quite as much. Pool is not as fun, but when I work the table with Steve - Nat's boyfriend Bucky's best friend - we make a killing. While I don't have anything against a real job, I don't really know what I want to do, so I work a bunch of semi-shitty part-time jobs in an attempt to figure it out. Always wanted to go to college, but even with an archery scholarship I didn't have the grades. I'm like two levels above a bum, and I have a one-eyed dog named Lucky that I let eat way too much pizza and sometimes leaves me for a couple weeks at a time to live with a girl named Kate. I met my best friend when she tried to kill me and my boyfriend when I almost killed him, and I get hurt all the time because I'm usually too distracted by... everything to pay attention to what I'm doing with my feet and shit. Once I lost a shoe in a stairwell. Should we go another round, or can we get to the kissing?"

"Clint, that isn't what I was trying to... okay, a one-eyed dog that flits from home to home while you hustle people at bars? What even is your life? Wait, not the point. Um. None of the bad points you countered with sound that bad or like... anything compared to mine-"

"Yours didn't sound like anything I wouldn't be happy to deal with in return for the rest of the package."

"You... that's... don't try to sweet talk with me when I'm trying to talk you out of dating me! There's something you should really know about me before you, you know, commit to actually being my boyfriend - it was really hard when I thought it was fake, but then you just started dropping that bit even when Josie wasn't in the room and you stayed overnight and let me meet Nat and so I thought that maybe you might not like that fake part either, so I just thought... I keep forgetting the point," Tony whined, pulling away from Clint's hand to hide his face in Clint's neck instead. "God, why do you want to date me?"

"Because you're funny and sweet, and like cuddling and my sketchy slash shitty looking cupcakes. You play my xbox 360 like it's the best thing ever when I'm pretty sure you've played loads more interesting games on better consoles, so that was nice of you. And you haven't made fun of my several different and shitty jobs, not once, and you didn't get freaked out when I bought you Boppy so you're at least as crazy as I am, which is a good basis for a relationship. Plus you're hot." Tony let out a surprised laugh, one hand moving to rest on Clint's chest, fingers gripping and twisting his shirt. "Not kidding, scruffy kitten. You are _smoking_."

"But there's stuff you don't know about me," the other man whispered against his skin, sounding kind of depressed. "You're gonna dump me when you find out, dimples. It's going to suck."

"There's stuff don't know about me either. That's half the fun! Maybe you'll be the one who will break up with me, or maybe we'll never break up and we'll end up married with six kids and three dogs and a white picket fence."

"... two kids tops."

"Done, as long as you throw in a few more dogs."

"Done. But first I have a confession."

"Me too. You first though - breathe, kitten. Breathe." Tony jerked away suddenly, with enough force that Clint was worried that he'd done something wrong. Maybe he'd read this wrong, and maybe Tony didn't really wanna be his boyfriend, and whoa! Tony had grabbed hold of either side of his jaw and pulled his head around before planting a desperate smooch on his upper lip - he'd aimed wrong. Sensing his boyfriend wanted this kiss just in case his confession ended them before they'd started, Clint didn't pull away to try again. He reached up and cupped Tony's cheeks, thumbs stroking the man's skin, and carefully changed the angle so their mouths came together in a perfect kiss. Tony let out a soft gasp and slid his hands into Clint's hair, fingers twisting the strands instead of his shirt.

When they parted, Clint quickly went in for another brief kiss before drawing Tony's head under his chin. "Whatever it is, it'll be okay. So just spit it out." Fuck, if this was what he thought it was, Tony really might end up dumping him at the end of his own little confession. He probably shouldn't have hid it so long, but it just... it hadn't come up yet, the right moment, and he didn't want Tony thinking that he was coming around for the wrong reasons. But it might look even _worse_ now that it had been so long. Fuck. Fucking fuck.

"So you know how everyone around here just calls me Tony? It's so that... so that nobody, uh. Bothers me. Tony is a pretty common name, after all, so if nobody says the last name people mostly don't even think... you know. It's a regular hospital, so people don't expect. Uh. Are you sure that you don't wanna go first?" Fuck. This was gonna end in tears. Probably his own. This was going to end in tears and with him and Lucky gorging themselves on pizza and binge-watching 'The Golden Girls'.

"Yeah, I can. If that would make you feel better." He felt Tony nod and start to pluck at his shirt again, so he took a deep breath and went for it... even though it would probably make Tony's confession null and void. "Uhm. So you remember how your beard was different before?" Another nod, and Clint gulped before continuing. "So I thought I recognized it that first day, and then the next day it sorta clicked when I saw it, since not too many people can pull it off. So. Uh. I knew. Almost right away. About... the thing you're trying to tell me. The, uh. Stark thing. How that's your last name." Tony had gone completely stiff in his arms, and Clint was pretty sure he'd just shot himself in the foot. "... surprise?"

"... you... you knew? This whole... so you knew I was Tony Stark even when you... and when you brought me those..." After those few attempts to work it out, Tony went quiet. Clint could practically hear the gears turning in his head though, and he _prayed_ this was going to end in a way that wasn't a stomachache for him and a lot of awful gas from his dog. "I don't understand." Tony sounded kind of fragile, which Clint got. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Tony still hadn't pulled away, so Clint decided it would be okay to slide one hand up Tony's back to bury his fingers in the man's hair. "I didn't think it mattered?" Tony snorted, so he hurried to clarify. "No, no... hear me out. Look. We were already fake boyfriends, right? And I told you, you had me at 'Boppy'. So I figured... I figured that I didn't really want to get to know Tony Stark. I wanted to get to know _Tony_. If you'd known that I knew, you wouldn't... I thought you wouldn't be just Tony anymore. I wanted you to just be Tony for a while - I figured you don't get to be very often, so I, you know. Let you. I wanted to get to know you, and I wanted you to get to know me, and then I just... I _like_ Tony. I like _you_. So I figured we could deal with the rest if you decided you wanted to drop the 'fake' bit when you were ready to get out of here. So... confession over."

It was quiet for a really, really long time - Clint was absolutely sure that Tony was going over everything in his head and coming to the conclusion that he needed to dump Clint ASAP. This sucked so much, because he really did like Tony, and he really wanted to be his (for real this time) boyfriend, and he was going to need pizza, ice cream, Lucky and Nat to get him through this. Sure he'd probably have to deal with Bucky glaring to get Nat, but maybe he'd get Steve and one of his awesome back rubs to make up for it.

"So... you like Tony?" Talking! Talking was a good sign! Probably. Maybe. Fuck.

"Yeah. I like Tony a whole hell of a lot. Stark or no Stark."

"That's not usually how this goes, you know."

"Well, I'm not like the other boys."

"Rhodey's the only one who's ever said he liked Tony without the Stark part before. With Pepper it's implied, but I'll never really... you like Tony?"

"Yup."

"Do you... want to keep dating Tony?"

"If he stops talking in the third person I do."

"I can do that. I can definitely do that. I don't usually do that, you know, I just... I was really trying to get my head around the concept. Because, uh, you know. Who I am tends to get in the way. A lot. All the time. So the idea that maybe it won't is... it's new. Very new. I mean, you never asked me to buy you anything, or... I mean, you made me cupcakes. Cupcakes not made by a professional bakery, which would have been expensive but way better. You weren't... okay, you were trying to impress me, but not with money, which is another thing that... uh. This is... I like you too, you know. 'Henceforth's and 'bzzzt's and all. So... yeah. Let's try this thing. With the whole actually dating and seeing each other outside of this awful room, which I hate. Why are the rooms white? Why do they always have to be white? It's so boring. Why can't it be a soft blue or a nice green or something? Anything would be better than white, Clint."

"Whatever you say kitten. Okay, so. Confessions are done, you failed to talk me out of dating you, you're super curious about my dog... so we're good? Nothing else? We're gonna figure out the rest the good old fashioned fun way?"

"Yeah. I guess we are."

"Great! Then henceforth we shall be boyfriends! This sacred decree trumps even the other decree, and henceforth there shall be much kis-" Tony cut him off with a kiss that was a lot less desperate and a lot more like a promise. His fake boyfriend was his real boyfriend, and his real boyfriend was Tony Stark, and he was still going to bake Tony Stark his sketchy slash shitty cupcakes even if he could afford way better ones. Life was good, and kissing Tony was awesome - he should have tried it sooner. He still felt really, really badly about hitting Tony with a car and putting him in the hospital, but it had also put them where they needed to be.

Without visiting hours, they wouldn't have had a chance at forever.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a [tumblr](http://tahlreth.tumblr.com) where you can send me prompts or look at all the weird stuff I reblog. Could even talk to me, if'n ya wanted. XD


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